My Plea and Apology in my Old Age

A Song to Those I Love: 

I do not hear well what's outside my sphere of interest, I fear. It's another of my current weaknesses, I guess, but I just don't have enough time or energy left in my life to give to inconsequential [at least, in my judgment] matters. And, my memory is blurred or completely faulty on some things important to you. I'm aware of that. Please, forgive. Finally, after seventy-two years, I'm realizing how many things are and have been beyond my control and, thus, not worth too much of my attention and worry. 

As far as people go, well, yes, the situation is somewhat the same. I cannot fix you, any more than I've ever been able to fix myself. So, if you ask for my opinion or advice, I'll give it. Otherwise, don't look to me to solve your problems. I can barely handle my own...and I'm slowly losing ground in that effort. Let me, at least, hang around the edges and observe. Sure, I love you--I just know my limitations better than most others in my world. 

If you should choose to ignore me completely, I'll understand. I cannot affect that attitude very much. I do have some things to offer you in my old age; I'm not a complete burden yet. Just understand please that physically I can't go and go like others can and my nerves are a bit frazzled after seven decades so I may at times be grouchy or seem to isolate myself. Don't toss me into the nursing-home trash, just yet.

My faith, my Jan, my loves, my rest, my hobby---these consume my motivation. All else, necessarily, comes after these. I don't, unfortunately, have as much of myself to give as I once did. Please be understanding...I truly am working on improving my behavior to the best of my ability, even though I don't and can't always explain what's going on inside me as I change.

"I's" and "my's" are filling these paragraphs which shows how my world is collapsing in upon itself---with less and less outside to distract and complete it. Do I hold some very strong opinions? Am I intractable, bullheaded, headstrong in my beliefs? Am I becoming more uncompromising each year about these matters? Yeah, I guess. But, you will too as you age. Humor me for just a while longer...and please forgive me when I somehow interfere with your world without recognizing what I am doing. Yes, please forgive!

This spring, from the outside, I watched as three employees got screwed by their "superiors"  who not only took advantage of the system themselves but also helped, unfairly, certain other not-so-deserving employees. I would have presumed that anyone's sense of fairness would have been startled by these events, but no, when I started pointing this out...for the most part, others didn't notice or care or want to be involved in conflict of any kind for any reason. I did speak out vehemently, and a few people reacted, for the most part, I'm afraid, in fear or consternation that their spheres of influence might be affected. It's so much easier just to observe others and think smugly about how hyper and righteous they are being...

I want to say to my children (again) and to my grandchildren: You will never ever feel embarrassed for speaking out to defend what is right. You may be mocked or retaliated against, but you will always know the value of your stand. Most people simply want to live their lives celebrating themselves and resting comfortably in their routines---attitudes that led once upon a time slowly and certainly to death camps. From my safe distance now, I urge you to evaluate everything you encounter in your life carefully and always choose to defend the right!

I leave you, also, this warning: "The worst evils which mankind ever had to endure were inflicted by bad governments. The state can be and has often been in the course of history the main source of mischief and disaster." ---Ludwig von Mises